Lately, I've vented my frustrations to some trusted people in my life, most specifically related to my work. I've been in the same place for 12 years ( with the exception of 15 months doing casework) and for the most part have always loved my job. It's a challenging environment, but I've always welcomed the challenge. Like all places, there are humans there. And you know what they say about us humans? We complicate things.
Recently, my will to continue on in a God honoring way at work has been tested. Almost like, the environment is threatening to break who I am, while I continue to refuse to concede. It's like this: if you have ever played a sport, you have been a part of a game where your team is getting beat...like whooped! Your coach makes the team keep playing while the other team doesn't let up. You're losing by a great deal. How could you possibly catch up? The other team is stronger and faster. Their ways of playing the game are no match for yours. You're outplayed and want to give up. Lately, I've been entertaining the idea of waving the white flag of defeat.
God reminded my heart behind the closed door of my office yesterday afternoon that great battles were fought with impossible odds. Gideon and Joshua defeated armies with God on their side. Moses and the Israelites conquered the Egyptian army at the Red Sea through faith. Esther freed her people with her beauty and influence under King Xerxes. Murderous Saul lost his sight to gain a new vision of the kingdom of heaven. Daniel found favor with the pagan kings of Babylon. Jesus fought the ultimate battle for our souls by Himself. Through HIM ALONE salvation has come. He died alone, was buried alone, and will come again in His power alone. Because of the examples God set before me, I recognize I may have to stand on my own.
I recognize that I cannot continue the way that I am, wallowing in my frustrations and negativity. To be honest, I know God isn't going to rush in and save me from my circumstance, and He may not be jumping in to physically rescue you. Rather, He asks for our cooperation with His work, and refinement of our selves through it.
For those of you ready to give up and relating to exactly where I am right now, this is my encouragement through God's Holy Spirit. These are ways God has told me to acknowledge His presence and
#1 The battle we are fighting is not of flesh and blood, but of evil and powers of a dark world; forces that cannot be seen (Eph. 6:12). We are not fighting a battle with human beings, but a battle for our souls. Recognize that the people in your life are not your enemy, but the one who came to steal, kill, and destroy is (John 10:10). God has already defeated him, and his reign on earth is temporary until Jesus gathers His people. Satan and his demons are created beings, and are not all powerful like Our God. He cannot be everywhere, and does not know your thoughts, but he knows humans, and knows where we are weak. The One living inside of you is stronger than the one living in the world (1 John 4:4). You win in the end!
#2 Pride runs deep in the flesh, and is a silent killer. I can say pride catches me up too, and when left unchecked, it's dangerous. If we don't rid ourselves of pride, God will. And all the power we have abused, will be taken. It's only yours because He allows it (Daniel 5:20). It's necessary to check your pride at the door, and check it often. Ask those that you trust for an honest assessment of what they see in you, and be willing to hear them even if it hurts.
#3 Jesus' work on the cross is our example of endurance and discipline. He was laughed at, mocked, and chased out of areas where He was teaching. From birth, there were kings and officials out for his life. He was spit on, beaten, humiliated, and tortured. If, in your first world version of persecution, you find yourself wanting to quit, think of Jesus and all he has suffered on your behalf. Would you be willing to die for someone that is liar, cheater, manipulator, or thief? Jesus did it. You are called to die to yourself, and pick up your cross. It's not a question, it's a command (Luke 9:23). It puts the minutia that I have to deal with on a daily basis in perspective, and quite frankly, brings me to my knees.
#4 Your life is not your own, so you don't get to decide when to quit. This was hard for me to write out. This is the point that spurred the draft of this blog. God is telling me "Since when do you decide what you will and won't do? Did I tell you that you were done here?" If He has not given you direction to give in and concede, then keep going.
In his second letter to the church at Corinth, Paul reminds them of ALL he endured on behalf of the cross and how we should push on, with hearts wide open: in hard work, sleepless nights, and hunger; in purity understanding, patience, and kindness, in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God...through glory and dishonor, bad report, and good report; genuine, yet regarded as an impostor; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, but possessing everything."
He refused to give up. Instead, he counted it all worthless compared to the prize set before him that is promised in our resurrection. Don't give up. Fight the good fight.
#5 Love always wins. When you want to scream, don't. When you want to walk out, stay. When you think letting someone know exactly how you feel with words that would cut them to the core would make you feel better, hold your tongue. People will know us by our love. Take a deep, deep, {DEEP} breathe and choose love. Love as you have been loved (John 13:34,35).
#6 Forgive you have been forgiven (Eph. 4:32), and LET. IT. GO. Forgiveness does not mean you have to forget what has been done. You may never forget, and God understands that. The prophets call the people of Israel to "remember" all the God has provided. In the story of the rich man and Lazarus (Luke 16:19-31), the rich is man is told to "remember" all that he had on earth, when Lazarus only had the comfort of dogs to lick his wounds. You can forgive and not allow that person the same power over you that they held when they hurt you. Set boundaries, and remember. Carrying around the hurt and anger doesn't let you forgive those that need it- Jesus died for their junk too, not just yours! You don't get to determine who is worthy of forgiveness. That's not your call.
#7 The only hope you may have in your current circumstance is that Jesus is coming back and this won't last forever. There will be a day when Truth comes. And when he does, He will bring his angels and his judgement. He will display his glory and majesty with the authority of heaven and earth. Every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that He is Lord- even those that have hated you because of your faith. They are given choices now, but some day those choices will end. Take heart! He has overcome the world (John 16:33). Keep your eyes on the glory that is before you. He who promises is faithful, and will repay those who trouble you (2 Thess.1:6). On that day, those who had refused Jesus as their Lord will beg for the end of their life (Rev. 9:6). They will beg you to dip your finger in water to quench the thirst that will be their agonizing eternity. I don't say any of this to scare you, but to be honest about what is coming. Our hope is in Jesus, nothing else. All other places we seek to find our purpose will fail us. Even the work we lose ourselves in, the relationships we define ourselves by, and the status we seek to accumulate. It's for nothing if not for Jesus.
#8 Because I don't like odd numbers, here's my last point: your ability to seek the lost, see people as God sees them, and allow your heart to break for their situation does not make you weak. If people confuse your kindness for weakness, they are mistaken. The God that created you in the beginning intended for you to see people just the way you are seeing them. Let your heart break, lose yourself in their messy circumstance. Let the haters hate, and misunderstand your motives. You don't seek the approval of man anyway.
If you can't see that people are hurting all around you, even in your workplace, your family, or in your life, you're blind- and missing out.
Jesus didn't quit until it was finished (John 19:30), and you're not going to either. If you quit now, you'll miss out on what God has for you on the other side of your selfishness.
